PHILADELPHIA– The search for six missing day-drinkers continues at Independence Beer Garden today after last evening’s fatal oversized-Jenga collapse that left at least two dead. After what started as an ordinary Center City Sips event, including countless craft beers and bag toss, tragedy struck when a game of oversized-Jenga collapsed onto a group of freshmen finance majors. “It all happened so fast,” Hunter Brillopad, a Sips patron, recalled, “all of a sudden this epic Jenga game my boys had going on just came crashing down on everyone, it was not chill.”
There have been two confirmed deaths related to the incident and it is believed that six more bros are missing amongst the rubble. Of the six, all have been reported to be wearing pastel-colored button ups with sleeves rolled to the elbow, Dockers shorts with little embroidered flamingo or anchor details, and Sperrys.
As emergency personnel tirelessly continue their efforts to find the missing persons, the City is gearing up for an onslaught of legal activity after being told that each of the victim’s dads are high-profile lawyers. One such lawyer, Bradley Wiltshire, had this to say, “I’ve gotten my son out of bigger messes than a pile of jumbo-sized Jenga blocks, like that hazing incident at the fraternity or vehicular manslaughter charge. I’ll see you in court, tough guy.”
As a community mourns the loss of their drinking buddies and a City searches for answers in the aftermath of a devastating tragedy, one ray of hope remains clear, the entire incident was captured on video and went viral on Barstool.