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Top Five COVID-Friendly Spots In Philly To Get Dumped In

Despite everything closing and relationships becoming strained, Philadelphians managed to figure out the best ways to stay safe during COVID while still remaining true to their roots. This is especially true for everyone’s love lives. Heartbreak is still very much alive in the City of Brotherly Love, and we came together to rank the best places to experience it in- all while observing CDC guidelines, of course. 

5. Rocky Steps

You’re “Gonna fly now” right into having a single girl summer at this iconic Art Museum spot. With the warmer weather and the tourists coming back out of the woodwork it’s becoming considerably less COVID-friendly than before, (so if you’re a person looking to initiate the breakup, we suggest you do it now) and you don’t need the slew of ice cream trucks to see you crying and begging them to stay. Bonus points if your ex’s name is Adrian, though.

4. Graffiti Pier

Before it becomes a public park, take advantage of Philly’s most-Instagrammed site by getting “It’s not you, it’s me”-d on the wharf overlooking the Delaware River Waterfront. Try to make sure to stay as socially distanced as possible from the influencers doing their photo-shoots nearby and the Temple sororities shooting their recruitment videos, but so long as you don’t get in the background of their shot you should probably be okay. 

3. Closed Continental

Stephen Starr’s flagship restaurant closing signaled the end of an era- and now you can too by getting emotionally crushed outside the empty Continental in Old City! You may struggle to be heard over the chaos of Market Street and the soon-to-be bustling again Franklin Fountain up the street, but you also struggled to be heard by your significant other your whole relationship anyway so shouldn’t make much of a difference. 

2. Squirrel Eating SEPTA Token Mural

What better way to symbolize leaving the past behind and moving toward the future than by getting left in front of this bold art installation on the 2200 block of North Hancock. We all miss the vintage thrill of carrying SEPTA tokens the same way that you will surely miss your ex for months to follow, and the beady little eyes of the squirrel watching you will serve as a chilling reminder of that. 

  1. XFinity Live

If the mechanical bull inside Philly’s peak center of debauchery can survive this past year on his own, you can too. While it’s still closed due to state regulations, getting dumped in front of the currently abandoned sports complex where dignity goes to die is without a doubt the most fitting place to also experience the death of your relationship.