WASHINGTON, DC– In a groundbreaking reach across the cell wall, Joe Biden has extended an invitation to Covid-19 to join his administration.
“I’ve always found it important to find common ground, even with people or viruses you disagree with,” Biden told reporters today. “The American people are tired of the division, and replication, and division again. They’re tired of the polarization. America used to be a place where people of different backgrounds could come together in pursuit of a goal, and I’m hoping Covid-19 and I can prove that that America still exists.”
“Look, folks. Covid-19 isn’t a Republican, or a Democrat. It’s not Black, white, or anything in between. It’s American. Just like you and me. We both want what’s best for this great country,” Biden continued. “Do you know that Covid-19 has made over a billion copies of itself? Heck, I’d like to see any of you do that.”
Covid-19 could not be reached for comment, but single celled organisms close to the virus say that it is excited to take this next step in its political career. “It’s been hard getting to know the Democrats,” Covid-19 associate H1N1 said. “But I’m confident this invitation will help us get the adhesion process started. It’s a small step, but still a step in the right direction.”
Covid-19 will head up the newly created Virus-Human Relationship Council, a committee tasked with building dialogues between Americans and other novel diseases. Expected members include Dr Anthony Fauci, Dr Deborah Birx, MERS-CoV, H1N1, and a handful of viruses from the European Adenovirus Guild. Notably absent from the list of proposed members is SARS-CoV-1, who went through a high profile divorce with Covid-19 at the end of last year.