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Pros And Cons Of Releasing A Colony Of Monkeys In Fairmount Park

Pro: It’ll become easier to release your pet monkey into the wild.

Con: It’ll take business away from the historic Philadelphia Zoo.

Pro: It’ll take business away from the inhumane Philadelphia Zoo.

Con: They would probably not be the monkeys that went into outer space.

Pro: Monkeys might play bocce ball with you.

Con: They have hair all over their bodies, so it’s hard to tell which part’s their head.

Pro: Monkeys have thumbs, so they might make decent disc golf players.

Con: They might be too good and that’s no fun.

Pro: Monkeys look awesome when climbing and swinging and stuff.

Con: They’ll rip your face off your head.