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Report: South Philly Italians Are Tough On Crime Unless It Seems Organized

“BRAVI RAGAZZI” by Zellaby is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

PHILADELPHIA- A new report finds that 73% of South Philly Italians strongly support their city’s police union despite recent backlash. The Satirer interviewed one South Philly native by the name of Don Esposito to get his perspective.

“Maybe I’m old fashioned but back in my day we did crime a little different. We had real professionals working on the job,” said Esposito. “There were none of these news headlines, no crying in the streets, no riots, none of that. If Nicky Scarfo organized a march, I tell ya, it’d be single file lines and we’d never hear about it, that’s all I can say. Organization—that’s what I’m talking about. The crime these days, it’s all too sloppy for me. You got people everywhere, all over the streets, spray painting, chanting, smashing windows, causing a ruckus.”

When asked by the Satirer what advice he would give to protesters, Esposito said, “I will tell you this, my message to all the kids out there trying to make a difference: Stop. You can’t go around asking the police to leave you alone and then throwing a riot every time they don’t. Cops are real simple, and I would know on account of my brother-in-law being one. Slide ‘em a few bucks next time and they might think twice about knocking down your door. But you didn’t hear it from me. I’m just a simple guy, born and raised in South Philly, putting on my black pinstriped suit every day just like anybody else.”