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Delilah’s Reopens In Parking Lot, Tells Anyone Under 18 Not To Look

Photoshop by Mike Paulshock

PHILADELPHIA-  The largest adult entertainment club in Philadelphia has reopened their doors, or rather, their parking lot and are telling anyone under the age of 18 not to look. The entertainers and staff found wooden pallets off the street to use as their stage and street signs as their poles. Small tents line the main stage to be used for private dances, as well as folding tables for makeshift bars. However, since the establishment requires patrons to be 18 years or older to enter, they have posted signs around the perimeter of the outdoor club that read “18 And Under Not Permitted To Look.” “I’m so happy we are able to open back up outside, just like everyone else has,” said Amber Chandelier, Delilah’s lead entertainer. “If a kid happens to take a peek, it’s not the end of the world. He’ll see them sooner or later in life.” 

This has created quite a stir in the city and families with small children have been advised to avoid the area for the time being. The city has recommended that if you must pass by the establishment to cover your children’s eyes or distract them to look the other way. One family with children, ages 5 and 7, lives 3 blocks from the establishment and take daily walks down to the river since the pandemic started. “About a month ago, a man yelled to my husband to ‘come see the show next Friday morning’ while he was putting some pallets together. We got excited there was a show to bring the kids to!” said Blaire Gallegous of Spring Garden, 36. “We brought our kids over with soccer chairs and Goldfish, trying to figure out what the big show was. To my surprise, a bunch of women dressed in extremely provocative clothing walked out to WAP by Cardi B.” The Gallegous family now takes a different walking route to the river. 

The biggest issue Delilah’s faces are the 15-17 year old boys who have been sitting in fold up chairs on the other end of the parking lot enjoying the show with flasks and snacks. “I don’t really see the big problem here,” explained a 17 year old boy who asked to remain anonymous so he doesn’t get in trouble with his parents. “I can get this for free on the internet anyways and that’s even wilder than this! We drop off some money for the girls before we go too, so it’s a win-win.” Delilah’s has posted on their website that they are currently hiring for “Dollar Dolls” who chase after dollar bills blown away by the wind.

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