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Nestle Unveils New Line Of Flint-Flavored Water

Photoshop by Mike Paulshock

FLINT, MI – To combat declining utility bill revenue, Flint’s Utilities Department partnered with Nestle to reinvigorate the bottled water market with a new line of bottled water that lets Americans take Flint water with them wherever they go. “We think consumers are hankering for the high mineral content this American-sourced water offers,” announced Patrice Bula, VP of Marketing for Nestle. Bula added that residents are excited to have fresh water and are already lining up around elementary schools, water towers, and recreation centers to get it. One Flint celebrity is certainly excited about a new Flint product entering the national marketplace. According to Bula, local activist Mari Copeny (known better as Little Miss Flint) will be the product’s spokesperson. 

Other Flint residents are also beaming about the new release. “It tastes just like our tap water but the label says Nestle boiled it already, which is nice cause that was always a hassle,” commented resident Brandon Carter. “It’s packaged just like the clean water my grandma used to buy for us. It’s nice to see a big company pay homage to Flint’s flavored water tradition, I guess.” 

At press time, Bula stated a planned commercial shoot with Little Miss Flint was rescheduled after she fell mysteriously ill.

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