Since the Coronavirus quarantine began, your high school crush has made an OnlyFans page that’s out of your price range and your weird uncle has been selling baggies of hand sanitizer out the back of his PT Cruiser. How can you capitalize on tragedy and make ends meet? The staff at Philadelphia Satirer have compiled a shortlist of easy-to-implement money-making tips.
- Sell photos of banana bread customers can post as their own
- Offer to wear people’s Fitbits to help them get their daily steps in
- Sell half-assed homemade MAGA & Trump gear on FB marketplace under the guise that your 4-year-old son made it to finance his balloon rainbow
- Hone your skills as a kitty cat photographer
- Close your eyes. Now put your hand in your pocket and fish around. You feel that? That’s right. Loose coins. Repeat every month or so.
- Sell slingshots to GrubHub to help them handle contactless food delivery
- You don’t need a side hustle because $1200 is more than plenty to survive 10 weeks without income
- Make giant hamster tunnels so kids can safely play outside
- Heart surgeon
For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!